Volunteers are such selfish pricks. Of the 6.3 million Australians who volunteered in the last census year of 2004 (not including the census-takers), 17 percent said they were motivated to further their career, and a massive 45 percent put their hands up because it made them feel better about themselves. So if guilt is still our prime motivator, what happened to the kind-hearted souls who pull thorns from weeping wounds? I’ll tell you what happened to them -- they got replaced by the Intern.

In the dog-eat-cat developed world of bottom lines and bums on seats, who would still be stupid enough to work for free? Well, for the age-old reasons of sin and a silver spoon, I would, right now, in Africa. I’m currently gaining ‘life experience’ as a teacher at a journalism school in rural South Africa. We help local women to produce a newspaper, and while Aristotle claimed that all paid jobs absorb and degrade, it’s still one I wouldn’t mind being payrolled for.

Volunteers used to get paid a packet. In 17th Century Europe, a volunteer was one who offered himself for military service (stay away from that pronoun, ladies - in those days, men were soldiers, and women were, well, not soldiers). Still it seems, ye olde violent bastards can teach us a lot about business-sense and looting.

In the US state of Tennesee, known colloquially as the ‘Volunteer State’ General Jackson’s volunteer troops were bravely slaughtered in the 1812 Battle of New Orleans. But before you cry foul management and go running for the unions, remember those herpes-ridden scallywags were likely paid a yearful of buxom wenches to take up arms, while these days the best compensation a volunteer can expect is a goofy fluorescent uniform and free public transport.

Five years have passed since the International Year of the Volunteer and it’s time we shook up a new spirit of volunteerism. If our actions are rooted in a charitable mud - if a good deed done is selfless and sincere - then watch the spiritual soldiers line up for their bliss-filled bullet to the brain.

But perhaps part of the difficulty in engaging in truly selfless work is that the word, volunteer, to most people, is still about not getting paid. Like genius or star, these days volunteer status is dished out to every man, woman, and editorial assistant. We must do more than just further our careers in exotic places to be considered a true altruistic soul. We must start helping people, skin-on-skin, til our motives are clean and clear.

So instead of volunteering for a cause this summer, why not give service for a change (even small change). But until that day comes knocking at your door and asking for donations, do it for the money.